Dealing with Difficult Behavior in the Elderly

Family caregivers give the greatest gift of all – their love, energy and time – often at the expense of their own families and in lieu of other things they might like to do.  Unless you have walked in their shoes, you have no idea how rewarding their jobs are.  Caregiving can be difficult, and caregivers can face challenges every hour of every day…especially when dealing with difficult behaviors exhibited by their loved ones.

Difficult behavior by a care recipient can be as simple as refusing to take medicine to as frightening as your loved one wandering during the day and night.   Your loved one may become physically or verbally abusive, or both.  They may refuse to eat or drink, and if suffering from dementia, may become paranoid or exercise random periods of yelling.  Those with depression may cry uncontrollably, and refuse to dress themselves or perform other acts of personal hygiene.

Because of the unique emotional ties between a family caregiver and the care recipient, caregivers are at risk of feeling guilty, angry and overwhelmed when dealing with difficult behaviors.  They often feel the situation is their fault, but this is far from the truth.  In fact, the single-most important thing to know when dealing with difficult behaviors is recipients of care do not act out because they do not appreciate or love the caregiver.  They act out as part of their disease process. 

Whether a care recipient is suffering illness, the effects of a stroke, or simply growing old, caregivers have to adapt to broad spectrums of behavior.  Learning what triggers your loved one’s difficult behavior will help.  It is important to note in some cases, medications can cause difficult behavior, and this possibility must be explored and managed by the health care provider in conjunction with determining other triggers.

Many times, the elderly become agitated when over-stimulated by loud noise, crowds, and over-activity.  People experiencing dementia can become angry or upset when they are forgetful, become lost or realize they cannot do things they used to.  Sometimes, the elderly find themselves in a situation that frightens them, and in turn, become overly aggressive and rebellious. Those suffering from a stroke may have damage in the part of the brain that controls behavior…meaning they can no longer control their actions even if they wanted to.

Help your loved one by identifying triggers of their difficult behavior.  If noise or large crowds make your loved one nervous, play calm music set at low volume, and limit visitors to a few at a time.  Keep happy reminders, such as pictures of family, in plain view and label rooms (such as the bathroom) and cabinets (for cups and plates) if memory is an issue.  When anger rises, speak softly but calmly and try to divert your loved one’s attention, but leave the room if you have to.  In the heat of the moment, do what you can to maintain the safety of yourself and your loved one.

Alleviate the situation by:

• Remaining calm
• Reminding yourself it’s not your fault
• Remembering this moment will pass
• Requesting help from family, friends, and support groups 

Above all, give yourself credit by knowing that you are giving the ultimate gift in order to make the life of your loved one easier in times of need.  The reward may be bittersweet in the moment, but with a proper frame of mind and a bit of help, the benefits are worth it in the long run…for you, and your loved one.